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Six Laws of Italian Sports Cars

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I can not remember if I ever poster this...but for those of you who have
never seen this, it's appropo for the new site....enjoy! :rolleyes:

As the owner of an Italian vehicle, you have undoubtedly found that,
from time to time, the thing defies all known laws of Physics.
Distinguished researchers from all over the world have spent entire
lives trying to understand such phenomena. Recently, the Six Laws of
Italian Sports Cars were discovered, thus reducing most owners'
dependency on sorcerers and prayer, to keep such cars running.

Careless application of these laws to any individual auto may fix the
problems of the moment, but cause hives or allergies in said owners.

"The inside of cam covers or other relatively innocuous areas, shall
be laced with buttresses, cross-bracing and all manner of esoteric
stiffness-with-lightness design, while something like connecting rods
shall self-destruct at redline plus 1.0 rpm due to a basic lack of
strength." An example of this Law is the stunningly beautiful
Lamborghini or Ferrari V-12's of the late '60's. They were famous for
wearing out all four camshafts in 10,000 miles or less. The cam's
metal appeared to be recycled coat hangers, which coincidentally are
still in short supply in Italy.

"All Italian Sports Cars, regardless of age, shall have at least one
system or component which does not work, and cannot be repaired. Such
a part shall never be mentioned in the Official Shop Manual, although
there may be an out-of-focus picture shown." It goes without saying
that such parts should never under any circumstances be removed, lest
the natural balance of the car be upset.

"All Italian Sports Cars shall be wired at the Factory by a
cross-eyed, color-blind worker, using whatever supplies are within
reach. All wires shall change color-code at least once between energy
source and component. all grounds shall be partially insulated." This
tends to guarantee that the owner of such vehicles will eventually be
intimately familiar with its electrical system, since he will need to
trace out each wire, then rewrite his Official Schematic, which will
differ from all others in at least one area.

"The more an Italian auto breaks down, the more endearing it becomes
to its increasingly irrational owner." For example, you purchase an
Italian Sports car, for all the money you ever hoped to earn, and
receive a ticket for air pollution on the way home from the dealer due
to the vast clouds of smoke that follow you. Several return trips to
said dealer, accompanied by your rapidly dwindling cash reserves,
cures the smoking. But now, the engine sounds like a food processor
full of ball-bearings. After replacing every component in the car,
including the radio speakers, the noise vanishes and is replaced by an
odor reminiscent of a major fire in a goat-hair mattress factory. You
still keep trying, God help you.

"All parts of an Italian sports car shall be made of a material that
is available in inverse proportion to its operating half-life." Thus,
the speedometer hold-down screws are made of grade 8 cold rolled
steel, while the valves are of fabricated Unobtanium, made only at
midnight by an old man with a pointy hat covered with moons and stars.
Such parts will be backordered during the design phase of the car, and
will remain so forever. Bribes, pleading and threats will be ignored.

"Any official publications dealing with repair, maintenance or
operations of an Italian sports car, shall be written such that every
fourth word is incomprehensible to the average American. In the event
that a random sentence is understandable, its information shall be
wrong." This is also known as flat-tire English, where a sentence
flows along nicely, then-Kaboom!
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· Banned
9 Posts
mako said:
LOL, finally a topic Bartowsky and I can find common ground on.
Funniest thing I have read in a so true..I'm going to print it out and hang it on the wall in the office. When ever a customer askes "what do you mean it's know longer available" I'll just point to this!! :)

Oh..and it's Bakowsky and my avitar is Homer not Bart... ;)

· Registered
2,861 Posts
That is the best. I already printed it hung it in the garage and put an extra copy in the car! I have managed to cover all 6 at least once!!! But when all is said and done...we still love the damn thing! :D

· Premium Member
10,241 Posts
hehe ! the english cars too, man. I fix a Jauguars, Aston martin, Bentley,... every day, is the same !
I applaud you for dredging up a 6+ year old thread on your first post. No one can accuse you of posting without having looked through the forum for answers first!

Welcome :)


· Registered
4 Posts
Thanks !

I applaud you for dredging up a 6+ year old thread on your first post. No one can accuse you of posting without having looked through the forum for answers first!

Welcome :)
I'm beginer about lamborghini,... And I need learn fast. hehe. I think the best way is 'Talk lamborghini Forum' and I practice my english too.
In my new job only I fix Ferrari and Lamborghini. I have a lot of experience about Ferrari, but I'm Lamborghini beginer.


· Premium Member
10,241 Posts
Where are you from?

You have a great job :)


· Premium Member
10,241 Posts
djant: regarding the avatar, that chick's gonna dent your hood!

1 - 17 of 17 Posts
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